Sweet is the sight
Of her room
Window opened by candlelight
How would you know
Cold winter on the shore
Chills the dress she wore
It's on the floor
Still it feels so warm today
And that's why I'm wondering why
You had to tell me
What's going on in your head
What's wrong
Come around to another time when you
Don't have to run
And when she said she wants somebody else
I hope you know that she doesn't mean you
And when she breaks down and makes a sound
You'll never hear her the way that I do
And when she says she wants someone to love
I hope you know that she doesn't mean you
And when she breaks down and lets you down
I hope you know that she doesn't mean to
Swing into flight
Over hills.
Over her hills, it's twilight
I guess that's right now
While we're here
Tell me why it's so funny
That you're so funny
When you're mad
Always so mad. So mad
And that's why I'm wondering why
You had to tell me
What's going on in your head
What's wrong
Come around to another time when you
Don't have to run
Well, I don't know we're going to
and I don't know what means to me
and you don't know what means to you
And she says she wants somebody else
I hope you know
She doesn't mean you
And when she breaks down and
makes a sound
You'll never hear her the way that I do
And when she says she wants someone to love
I hope you know
She doesn't mean you
And when she breaks down and lets you down I hope you know that she...
No
Over now, over now...
He doesn't want me to date... He doesn't want to see me with another guy... He doesn't want me to be sad... He doesn't want me to move on... He doesn't want to hurt me... UmMm... let's think about this.... He doesn't want to be with me right now, he doesn't want to be together, he doesn't want to date or talk or even really be friends, at that... He broke up with me, he wants to be with other girls, I don't want to see him with other girls either, but I am just supposed to suck it up and let him do what ever the fuck he wants, while I sit around alone... He knows what would make me happy, he tells me not to cry, not to be upset, but he is the reason I'm so depressed... He is ready and willing to move on, he is already dating or whatever, so I should at least be given the chance to try... HE IS THE REASON I'M HURTING, so maybe if he doesn't want to hear me cry or see my tears or watch my heart break, then maybe he should fucking stop it!!!
So, there's a guy... I like him... He is really sweet... We went on a date Friday... Then we hung out for like an hour last night... And today me, him, Anna, and his friend went to get some Taco Bell... He is really awesome... I didn't see us together, but I should at least try and give him a chance... He is giving me a chance, so he deserves the same from me... BUT... I'm scared... I just still don't want to move on... I just feel like if I start moving on then I'm giving up on us... I mean, I still do believe in us and that will never change... I just can't be the only one... And I'm sick of sitting around alone and miserable... I just want to try... All the other guys I've thought I've liked were guys I shouldn't have liked, guys that weren't my type or would have treated me like shit or guys I just thought I liked but really didn't or just guys I'm better off just being friends with, and I actually like him... I don't feel bad about liking him... I don't feel guilty because it's not Joshua... Okay, I lied... I do feel guilty, but I'm not going to make myself not like him... He deserves a chance because he is a great guy, and I'm going to give myself the chance... Joshua is mad... But he can get mad... I gave him the chance to try to move on... Well, I didn't even really give him the chance, he just did that one on his own... If he doesn't want to be together right now, if he wants to make bad decisions, if he wants to 'experiment', if he's confused about us, then I'm not going to sit around and be the only one who believes... If he doesn't want me with other guys, then maybe he should realize how to fix that... I wouldn't be with other guys if he was with me... What an idiot!... I thought about it last night, and I do feel in so many ways that I'm cheating on Joshua... BUT I'M NOT GOING TO LET MYSELF LET THIS GO... I'm going to make myself try... I may need help, but I'm going to try to be with someone new... I'm going to try... And if he wants me to be happy, then he's going to have to make me happy and stop being so stupid!!
I'm doing better... I haven't done it again... But that's just for now... I'm probably going to have a TERRIBLE night... Me and Anna are kind of in some trouble right now... And well... I just need help... I need a miracle... That's what I need, A MIRACLE!!!
I miss him... I'm sorry... I just have to keep reminding myself that 'love conquers all'....!
I used to believe in us
When times got tough
Lately I'm afraid that even love is not enough
But if you can can look in my eyes
And tell me we'll be alright
If you promise never to leave you just might make me
Oh, you just might make me
You just might make me believe
'Maybe if I dance fast enough, I won't remember what I've lost'